Book Reviews

“What about milk?” Debbie asked. Mark reached for the milk. “Let me see.” He shook the carton. “There’s only a drop left.” “I’ll add it to the list.”

This paragraph includes several mistakes.

The paragraph starts with Debbie’s dialogue. Then, it moves to Mark’s. Then, it returns to Debbie’s. We need to start new paragraphs with each new speaker.

And we need to make sure that information about Debbie is alongside her dialogue, and information about Mark is placed alongside his dialogue.

When we put this into action we get this:

“What about milk?” Debbie asked.

Mark reached for the milk. “Let me see.” He shook the carton. “There’s only a drop left.”

“I’ll add it to the list.”

Now that’s perfect.

Mark, standing in the kitchen and hearing her call, opened the fridge. “I think,” Debbie continued, “we might be low on cheese.”

This paragraph includes a mistake. The dialogue in the paragraph is Debbie’s. Therefore, information that is primarily about Mark shouldn’t be in the same paragraph.

This is how it should be written:

Mark, standing in the kitchen and hearing her call, opened the fridge.

“I think,” Debbie continued, “we might be low on cheese.”

Mark moved one block of cheddar and checked behind it. “No, we’ve got two blocks.”

This paragraph is perfect. It involves Mark’s dialogue and information about Mark.

“Have we got enough groceries to last the week?” Debbie shouted from the living room.

This paragraph is perfect. It involves Debbie’s dialogue and information about Debbie.

There’s no need to wait for my next post because I’ve got an offer for you.

I’ll edit the punctuation and grammar in any two paragraphs of your writing for free.

You could choose the most awkward ones if you like!

(I’d probably do that if I were you.)

Then, when I return your paragraphs, I’ll include full explanations of every edit so that you can apply them to the rest of your writing. I’d love to help.

For more information and to take up my offer, click here.