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Sentence cadence. Uncovering this secret of great prose in “The Pillars of the Earth”

Matthew Ward · 23/07/2020 · 3 Comments

Ken Follett opens The Pillars of the Earth with a stark and unsettling line. 

The small boys came early to the hanging.

I was gripped and repulsed at once. Shocked and intrigued. And I read on, hooked.

I knew Ken Follett had done something right. And I wondered what.

I became sure it wasn’t just what the sentence said. As I thought about it, a couple of questions came to mind: What is the most straightforward, everyday way of saying those words? And how might I have written them? Well, here’s my answer:

The small boys came to the hanging early.

I was stunned. What had I done? I’d moved one word, and just like that, I’d ruined the sentence. In my view, it now sounded bland. I realised that I’d robbed it of music.

A term I’d heard before sprung to mind: cadence. I’d been assured it was important. I’d practically been implored to use it. But what is cadence? A Google search returned this definition: “a rhythmical effect in written text.” I saw that Ken Follett’s line had cadence, and my alteration did not.

Then, another line came to mind, and it wasn’t just any other line. It was the opening line of The Hobbit, penned by J.R.R. Tolkien.

In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit.

That line has been close to my heart for years. It brings a smile to my face every time I read or hear it. When I was considering the power of cadence, I saw it in a whole new light.

I thought I’d pose the same questions I had posed earlier. What is the most straightforward, everyday way of saying those words? And how might I have written them? Here’s my answer:

A hobbit lived in a hole in the ground.

Stunned! How much worse is that? I’d go for infinitely worse. And yet those were essentially the same words. I only changed their order.

All these thoughts of cadence came to a climax when my dad read me this line from one of C.S. Lewis’ letters. “Always write (and read) with the ear, not the eye. You should hear every sentence you write as if it was being read aloud or spoken. If it does not sound nice, try again.”

That sealed it for me. If I wanted my stories to have any of the brilliance of The Pillars of the Earth or The Hobbit, I would have to consider the cadence of each sentence. It wouldn’t be enough to ask whether I’d said what I wanted to say. I’d have to ask whether I’d said it in the right way. I’d have to get rid of this: A hobbit lived in a hole in the ground. And turn everything into this: In a hole in ground there lived a hobbit. 

That sounds daunting, I admit. But that’s when I’ll remember The Pillars of the Earth. One word made all the difference for that opening line. One word! Surely, I can do that. I certainly know I need to. From now on, I plan to consider the different possible orders for my words. I’ll try them back-to-front, inside-out. And I’ll read with my ear, not my eye. And I’ll remember that I want the sentence with the most music, the most cadence, the most brilliance, and maybe a little poetry. I’ll remember that it’s not that hard. Sometimes it’s as simple as moving one word.

So, goodbye forevermore to this: The small boys came to the hanging early.

And hello to this: The small boys came early to the hanging.

And for lots more storytelling tips, check out My Big Blog Directory.

But if you’d like some entertainment instead, take a look at Glimpses—my free book of short stories.

Filed Under: Lessons from Reading, Popular Tagged With: cadence, Ken Follett, Novel, sentences, The Pillars of the Earth

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Lauren Royal says

    05/08/2020 at 16:43

    Hi, Matthew! Ken Follett’s retweet brought me here. 🙂

    This is great insight—in writing, cadence is very important. But I’d like to suggest that it’s not just cadence that makes these lines brilliant. In both cases, the sentence ends with the most provocative, interesting word: hanging and hobbit. As a reader, those final words grab you and compel you to keep reading.

    “Hanging! Who’s being hanged and why?”

    “Hobbit? What on earth is a hobbit?”

    Buried in the middle of a sentence, those words wouldn’t have the same punch. To make the most impact, end your sentence with the most impactful word.

    I wrote—and sold—two novels before I truly grasped this trick. While I’m careful not to overuse it (because anything overused becomes noticeable, which is Not A Good Thing), over the years it’s become one of the best tools in my writing toolbox.

    Reply
    • Matthew Ward says

      05/08/2020 at 17:08

      Wow! Thanks for taking the time to share this. It’s so practical, and I can see that it is so effective. From now on, I’ll be using this tool. But never too much!
      This insight has made my afternoon.
      And I hope anyone reading this article reads to the bottom and finds your comment.

      Reply
      • Lauren Royal says

        05/08/2020 at 22:41

        So glad you found this helpful! Happy writing!

        Reply

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“What about milk?” Debbie asked. Mark reached for the milk. “Let me see.” He shook the carton. “There’s only a drop left.” “I’ll add it to the list.”

This paragraph includes several mistakes.

The paragraph starts with Debbie’s dialogue. Then, it moves to Mark’s. Then, it returns to Debbie’s. We need to start new paragraphs with each new speaker.

And we need to make sure that information about Debbie is alongside her dialogue, and information about Mark is placed alongside his dialogue.

When we put this into action we get this:

“What about milk?” Debbie asked.

Mark reached for the milk. “Let me see.” He shook the carton. “There’s only a drop left.”

“I’ll add it to the list.”

Now that’s perfect.

Mark, standing in the kitchen and hearing her call, opened the fridge. “I think,” Debbie continued, “we might be low on cheese.”

This paragraph includes a mistake. The dialogue in the paragraph is Debbie’s. Therefore, information that is primarily about Mark shouldn’t be in the same paragraph.

This is how it should be written:

Mark, standing in the kitchen and hearing her call, opened the fridge.

“I think,” Debbie continued, “we might be low on cheese.”

Mark moved one block of cheddar and checked behind it. “No, we’ve got two blocks.”

This paragraph is perfect. It involves Mark’s dialogue and information about Mark.

“Have we got enough groceries to last the week?” Debbie shouted from the living room.

This paragraph is perfect. It involves Debbie’s dialogue and information about Debbie.


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(I’d probably do that if I were you.)
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